Opinion: Improving Relationships Among High School Girls

by Regina Figaro

I would like to address the growing deficit of amicable relationships between high school females. I address this in hopes of encouraging the growth and development of my classmates, advocating the better treatment of each other, and eradicating our lack of respect for each other and our differences.

We, as females are all faced with the challenges that come with societal double standards, inequality, stereotypes, and generalization. Not to mention all the difficulties we endure naturally such as menses, childbirth, and menopause. No matter which race, religion, or ethnicity we are, we are all still females experiencing the same trials and discrimination because of our sex.

Often times in history we as women have banded together to incite change. To voice our opinions and fight for equality. But, how can we expect change when oftentimes we are the source of what we hate the most. We judge each other for what we do, who we are, what we look like, or even how we think. We are so critical of the superficial and obstinate about accepting our differences. Whether it be, body shaming, slut shaming, taunting/teasing, verbal abuse, and even cyber abuse- We pull each other down as if this type of behavior can elevate us as individuals or even as a group. It can’t, and it won't

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Having walked these high school hallways I’ve seen on multiple occasions girls taunting each other, the subtle snickering, making snarky remarks. The loud verbal rude comments to each other. But comments said publicly are nothing compared to the nastiness said behind closed doors. The whispers cut like knives with how we refer to each other. The disgusting language we use to describe each other and hurt each other. Social Media has played a huge role in enforcing this negative behavior towards one another. It has become a battleground attacking the way we view each other. We now see each other as competition; not for awards, academic success, accomplishments, or commendation for our hard work, but for men. We let men, or rather boys, get in between our sisterhoods and bonds. We compete for popularity and attention as if it has lasting effects. We compare ourselves to each other looking for imperfections in others to boost our own inner confidence. It’s hurting our overall progress as a sex and it flourishes right here in high school.

I myself have gotten into conflicts with other girls creating drama because they disagreed with a decision I made, or for what I believe, or even for what I look like. But I’ve also gotten into dramatic conflicts with other females over decisions she had made, or for disagreeing with what she believes in. I learned from this and we all now have something to take away from the table. We can achieve a level of maturity when we realize that this behavior drags ourselves down as well as our sex. Maybe we are to blame for this type of ideology. Do we praise those that bring others down? Do we hurt each other with the hopes of positive reinforcement.? Do we like and favorite malicious comments? A couple of laughs will last at the moment but what you said to that girl, that still developing young lady, will stick with her. And maybe you don’t realize it now but it will stick with you too.

But maybe you don't believe me. Maybe you need some facts and statistics to prove how difficult life’s circumstances can be for your fellow females. “According to research by the psychologist Jean Twenge and others, depressive symptoms in teen girls increased by 50 percent between 2012 and 2015.” (Simmons). That’s our time and apparently, girls are becoming more and more cruel to not only each other but themselves! We beat ourselves up over failures and insecurities which is leading to more anxiety and depression in the long run. We lack self-compassion. Well, maybe that explains the lack of compassion towards others. You can’t love someone else if you don’t first love yourself. “...research shows that self-compassion does not diminish integrity or standards of accountability. Instead, it lets you own up to a tough moment without paying for it with your self-worth.” (Simmons).

  

Social Media has played a huge role in enforcing this negative behavior towards one another. This behavior weakens not only our everyday relationships but our friendships as well. After a friendship ends, girls are more likely than boys to take steps to end that friendship permanently. 49% of girls with social media will untag or delete photos of herself with someone they used to be friends with vs 35% of boys.

I guess it all comes down to the lack of respect we have for each other, ourselves, and our sex as a whole. Why does a girl’s decisions remove the inherent respect and worth she has just because you don’t agree with it. You may not agree with her morals or her choices but must this translate into vindictiveness, conflicts, pettiness, and unnecessary drama? In turn, this allows society to continue to disenfranchise us because we, as the upcoming generation, are unable to unite. We fulfill the stereotypes laid out for us and it’s why can’t we stand together? 

We have become callous to each others feeling, disrespectful of each other beliefs, petty and unforgiving, unaware, and refuse to acknowledge each other’s worth and value. We do not get to decide what gives a woman worth or value, we can only agree that she has it, and be strong as sisters. I’ve never understood why girls will be cruel to other girls when girls know best just how cruel it is to be a girl. Love each other because it’s together that one day we'll have to stand.

Check out this article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/20/well/family/self-compassion-stressed-out-teens.html